Essay #14

I could barely focus on what everyone was saying as the panic overwhelmed me. I felt tears welling as I tried to silently rehearse my speech while my foot bounced up and down uncontrollably. I had enrolled in a leadership program during my freshman year, and we were giving impromptu speeches during the first week of the program. The moment I heard my name, I felt everyone's eyes on me as I inched toward the front of the audience. Eager to get the speech over with, I spoke at breakneck speed, and embarrassment washed over me as I avoided everyone’s gaze and returned to my seat.

Throughout my childhood, I was painfully shy and struggled with public speaking. As I began my first year of high school, I decided that needed to change. This leadership training was the first among several opportunities in which I participated to overcome my anxiety and increase my confidence, but it wasn’t easy. Everything about this process required courage–especially on the days when I tried and failed.

In addition to the leadership program, I got involved in several collaborative projects, clubs, community activities, and internships—pushing myself to communicate effectively with peers and supervisors. I realized quickly that I underestimated the importance of preparation and practice, but when I focused on these strategies, I noticed major improvement in my public-speaking skills. I also adopted relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation. It took me a while to see the benefits, but I was patient and diligent.

Instead of obsessing about failing, I forced myself to take advantage of public-speaking and leadership opportunities within and outside of school. Even my family recognized the new me when I performed in stage plays, emceed my dance studio’s annual Indian dance recital, and, as a cadet in Civil Air Patrol, led discussions about aerospace-engineering concepts.

While working as an intern during a summer fellowship program, I was responsible for supporting my cohort leaders in program management, facilitating meetings, engaging students, providing feedback, and conducting focus groups. Students from the U.S. and Zambia participated in this program to develop innovative solutions for issues prevalent in their respective communities. During one of the initial group discussions on how to identify issues in our community, my team leader’s mic started to cut out. After a moment of awkward silence, I received a Zoom chat message from her asking me to take over. For a second, I felt a familiar wave of anxiety. I wasn’t prepared for this. How was I supposed to pick up where she left off when I didn’t even have the material? I took a few deep breaths and attempted to continue the discussion. At first, my audience was silent, but I persevered in my efforts to engage the students. I made the discussion more personal by describing my experience as a fellow the previous year. This jump-started the conversation, and more students began to share their thoughts.

I realized that all the effort I’d put into improving my communication skills these past years had paid off, and I felt significantly more confident. This journey taught me so much about myself. I learned how to harness my inner strength to do things even if they made me feel anxious. I’ve realized that progress and maturity happen when we are open to learning opportunities and engage in diverse experiences.

During college, I’ll face new ideas, situations, and fears that will sometimes make me uncomfortable, but they will help me understand myself better and grow. I’ll continue to make the most of these challenging circumstances. I hope to do internships at a variety of nonprofit organizations and, as a business major, acquire the essential skills to develop innovative and sustainable solutions for progressive companies. My newfound public-speaking skills have empowered me to make a stronger impact in both my academic and professional endeavors.